Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I have faith... so I believe.

Every one of us has a story to tell. We are all in different tougher situation in life but we know that this situation is just a test on how we can handle things. And this will test our faith and strength of heart. 

~ This story I made will tell you how one faith can grow and how people can truly believe. ~

I’m 15 years old and I came to a well known family. My mother and father were both doctors and it’s amazing that they were specialized in both fields. They were curing patients with cancer. They were both famous and were highly paid for it. They treated many cancer cases and I’ve heard that most of their cases were successfully done and most of their patients were cured because of their unexceptional talent in medicine. I’m very proud of my parents and I was very lucky to have them. I also dream of becoming like them someday. My parents were both proud of their achievements but never would they have imagined that I, their one and only daughter, would become one of their patient.

I, too, never have imagined it. I thought I was secured of not getting sick because my parents were both doctors. Since I was a kid I always feel protected and I always feel secured. My parents won’t allow any diseases to weaken my body. They gave me vitamins to be healthy. I eat fruits and vegetables everyday and have my morning jog and exercise to be fit and healthy. I have my nanny taking care of me when my mother’s out for her job. I have my body guard to secure my safety inside and outside our house. I’m not afraid of being sick or having any kind of disease because I’m confident that my parents can easily cure me and I’ll easily get better. It never crossed my mind that I, will someday have cancer, because I thought only unhealthy people got sick. But I was very wrong.

Lately, I was diagnosed to have a brain cancer. The worst scenario was having it diagnosed on its worst stage “the stage of being impossible to cure and impossible to survive”. My mother and father knew it but because they were both doctors they will do anything to make the impossible possible. They will do and give anything to save me.

I never knew that I had a malignant cancer until it was diagnosed. I felt its symptoms like having headaches but I just thought that it was just a stressed of maintaining my high grades at school.  It’s because I wanted my parents to be proud of me. And it’s also because I want to have a vacation outside the country just like what they’ve always promise me when I got good grades. It was fun visiting other countries and knowing other people’s culture. I love it and I was glad to be able to experience those happy trips together with my parents. I thought my happiness will never end and I thought I had everything. I thought I will live this life wonderfully and I thought I will never suffer any pain in this world… but I did. And I guess I suffer most.

When it was diagnosed and confirmed. I immediately put in a famous hospital in a country. Since both of my parents were famous and known in their field I was having the privilege of getting the most highly recommend treatment for my case. But my treatment was harsh. I’m in pain most of the time. My head was aching and it’s unbearable sometimes. I’m always weak and dizzy. They injecting high doses of drugs in my veins and everyday I should take them. I feel that all the parts of my body were numb. And I feel sometimes that sooner or later I’ll going to die.

My parents said that we should not lose hope. They will do everything for me to survive this cancer. They introduce me to different famous surgeon and they were all proved and tested to be the best. They studied my case and they prepared me for an operation. My mother told me to hold on and be brave. I know I shouldn’t be scared but still I can’t help it. My operation was tough as I heard the doctors saying it to my parents. My life will be in danger if my operation wasn’t successful. But my parents won’t accept it and sometimes I heard them arguing with the other doctors. They were both confident that they can save me and they won’t let me die.  

I met many survivors of cancer and they all have good story to tell. How they fight it and how they win it. They say that to be able to survive you should have faith. Faith in GOD, they say. But I’m not a religious person and I most believe in scientific basis. Just like what we always say “to see is to believe” and I believe that HE is just a fabrication of one’s thought and just made to be able to have something to believe in. For me GOD is just Santa Claus in Christmas Eve, made to entertain children. For me, he really does not exist. Well, maybe I have faith too… but it’s faith with my parents and doctors. Thus, I would like to believe in my parents more than I believe in GOD and so I believe that like the others, I will survive this operation and I am very confident that my parents can save me.

But then I met this young boy who shares to me his belief. His parents left him since the day he was born and the only family he had was his grandmother who accepted him and loved him dearly. He was not one of the survivors of cancer but he had a big tumor on his face that causes him not to communicate anymore. Doctors said that the tumor was progressing that they can’t remove it because it will harm the boy and he may die. But the fact that he was also come from a very poor family and can’t afford to have an operation was I know the main reason why he could not survive. "Money matters" they say. But this young boy shows me that happiness and hope can’t be found and get in material things one could have. But having faith was enough to make him stronger. This young boy never saw the beauty of this world yet he believed that the world is beautiful. His grandmother knows that this young boy will someday be gone in this world but still have faith that he will get better. Their belief and faith in GOD was strong enough to be able to see them happy despite of their situation. And every time I see them happy I can’t help to be happy for them too and wish that I, too, could have the same faith they had.

Then one day the young boy passed away. It really broke my heart when I heard it and I couldn’t help thinking why their belief didn’t save them. Yet, I was surprised to hear to his grandmother that she was glad that GOD finally ends her grandson’s suffering. I really don’t understand how faith and belief works and exists to one person. Until, it was happen to me.

Before my operation, I was surprised that my mother gave me a bible. She said it will give me strength and hope. It might also give miracle she added. She also confessed to me that they tried to bring me to famous healers, but they thought it was ridiculous bringing me there and let me treated with magic and stuff, so they’ve cancelled it. Hearing it to a skilled doctor like my mother makes me laugh but it also makes my faith in them lessen a bit and it makes me scared, I’m scared of dying.

How was it like? I thought. I thought that dying was painful. I was afraid of it and the thought of dying became my nightmare. Every night I can’t sleep. I’m afraid that I will never wake up again. But my eyes were tired and my body was so weak so I thought that sleeping was not bad. Every time I closed my eyes it felt good. It relaxed me and for just an hour and so I didn’t feel any pain. Then I thought that dying was better than having so much suffering because of my disease and treatments. Maybe the thought of not seeing everyone that I cared for was what I’m scared about and not dying, itself. Thinking about it makes me feel sad and it hurts me as well.

I was reading the bible that my mother gave to me when a doctor entered my room and said I should prepare myself in the operation. My parents will be participating as well so I was not that scared. When I was inside the operating room my parents were there holding my hands and I can see that they were worried. The anesthesia was injected and I begun to feel sedated and sleepy. Then all my senses fade away.

Deep darkness engulfed me. I can’t see, hear and feel anything. It’s like I am dreaming but can’t picture out anything. I’m just seeing a light, a very dim light. I know I was walking but I didn’t know where I’m heading to. I was like hypnotized to that light. As I was about to reach the light I suddenly feel tired and dizzy. 



Then I saw a man behind me. I can’t describe him clearly but all I know was that he was wearing an odd clothes and he has a very pleasant face. He looked at me and in his eyes he seemed worried about me. He asked me if I’m tired and I nodded. “Then I will carry you” he answered. He carried me on his back and begun to walk. I feel comfortable and secured at that moment and it feels warm. I didn’t know how long he had carried me on his back and then he suddenly stop and put me down. He said “From here you can walk by yourself.” I hold him and said “No, I can’t. I’m scared”. He smiles and says “I know you are… but you have to be brave”.  Then he asked me “Do you believe in miracles?”. Without hesitations I answered him directly “No, I don’t”. He touched my head and says “Yes, you shouldn’t. But you have to believe in one thing, in HIM.” I puzzled who he was talking about and I asked who it was. He said “HIM who made the world, HIM who made life and HIM who knows you better.”  After saying it, he disappeared. Then suddenly I woke up and I feel pain. I opened my eyes and saw my parents beside me. They were holding my hand with tears in their eyes. The doctors were seemed happy seeing that I have awakened. They said it was successful. At that moment I feel that I was like a new born child.


Years had passed since I undergo my operation. I’m still weak but I feel much better. I never talked to my parents about what I dreamed during that day and I decided to keep it to myself. It’s just I don’t want them to think that I was fabricating things out of ordinary. I was scared that they wouldn’t believe me. But it was all true to me.  Then one day my parents opened up and told something that I never thought they would say. They say that when I was in the operating room and unconscious they prayed harder and relied on a miracle to happen. I smiled and then told them that it wasn’t the miracle that saved me but GOD, the creator of life. And that was the hard proof that HE really does exist… and so I have faith and truly believes in HIM.

~ When the storms of life come upon us - and all of us will experience them - we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God. The storms do not have to overcome us. We can allow God's power to lift us above them. ~

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